By Stacey DuFord

It’s hometown week!  Who wants someone’s dad to call “hooey” on the whole thing?  Who wants to find out if Clare‘s family is as crazy-eyes as she is? Let’s all grab a cow and begin in Kansas City, MO with Nikki.  “I’ve literally been around the world.” Nikki is so good at stating the obvious.   Neither Nikki nor Juan Pablo could sleep before this date; and Nikki is looking for him to be “a little cowboy.”   “I’m hoping that he likes eating gas-station barbecue.”  Well, who doesn’t?

Nikki then takes Juan Pablo to the Big Sky bar to try bull-riding, to pay him back for making her dance in Korea.  They drink giant beers and Nikki wants to tell him that she loves him  Beer goggles, girl.  Let them wear off.

Nikki’s family seems giddy to meet Juan Pablo.  “When you sit down at dinner you become family.”  That must be a pretty thin will by this point.  Dad toasts to “new relationships.”  Nikki’s mom steals her away to chat.  “Honestly the next time you guys see me I could be engaged.” Where are your questions, mom?  I’m trying to imagine the things I’d be saying if this was my daughter. Things like “You’ve only known him for a couple weeks, how about you date before getting engaged.”  Nikki’s dad sits down with Juan Pablo “What do you see in Nikki that you trust?” Good question!  “Her honesty.”  Are ANY of them really being honest?  This is a TV show.  Juan Pablo and Nikki’s dad talk like his proposal is a guarantee.  Did I miss something? Nikki says that Juan Pablo makes her feel magical and that’s how she knows she’s ready to get married.  And that’s how I know she’s not.

Please don’t tell him you love him, please don’t tell him you love him…did she tell him? What’s with the whispering? Whew, she didn’t.

Next up is Andi; we’re in Atlanta, GA.  I’ve gotta be honest, I don’t really see them as a couple.  Even as a fake TV couple.  She squeals when she seems him, even though I’m not sure what kind of high school varsity shirt he’s wearing.  He’s wearing that to meet her parents?  Andi takes him to the firing range.  Andi gets a bullseye on her first shot and to Juan Pablo’s credit he did not run away scared. Juan Pablo is a horrible shot yet “somehow” manages to shoot a bulls eye so Andi must take him home to meet her family. Andi is not looking forward to taking him to meet her family. They are cynical.

Andi’s dad is the best!  As Juan Pablo and Andi explain their dating history “Group date, group date, group date,” dad keeps interrupting with “And how many girls were left then?” “Um, 11.” they respond. I hope Andi’s Dad gets his own show, I would watch that! “I’m looking at two people who are little infatuated with each other,” says Andi’s dad, Hy.  “He may be infatuated with her and he may be infatuated with the other three girls on the show.”  Dude! You rock!

“Are you worried?” Juan Pablo asks.  “Oh absolutely,” says Hy.  This is the most uncomfortable dinner EVER.

Juan Pablo plans to use his time with Patty, her mom, to get her to assept him.  He drags Andi out to show mom how they salsa together, which is not at all.  It’s the worst dancing I’ve ever seen.  Next Juan Pablo sits down with Hy who asks “Is it Juan or Juan Pablo?” “Eh, Juan Pablo,” says Juan Pablo thus securing Andi’s fate.  Goodbye Andi.  I’m not sure how you got this far but your dad just killed your chances.

Hy tells Juan Pablo that he won’t answer his questions because the man who comes to him for his daughter will say “There is no one else for me but her.” Seriously, where is Hy’s talk show? I’m in.

I like Andi and her family and I HOPE they don’t make her the next Bachelorette.

Next we join Renee in Sarasota, FL who cannot wait to see her son.  She’s introducing him to her son? No no no no no no no no no no no no no.

I”m totally getting sucked into Renee’s reunion with her son. Why didn’t she see him before the cameras rolled? He is darling, and they are at his little league game.  Now I want to see a show with Hy and Ben.  They show up for dinner, with Ben, at Renee’s famiy’s house.  Renee plans to listen to her family.  Renee’s mom gets in a few small digs about how little Renee knows what is going on with her son “Did you see his bracelets?  He’s been making bracelets.”  Ouch.  Both mom and dad think Renee is happy and in love.  But, Juan Pablo took Nikki to met his daughter and Renee brought him to meet her son.  Things aren’t quite even here.

By the way, ABC, good job on keeping Clare and her 1-900-psychic family until the very end.  You totally hooked me.  Good job.

We join Clare in Sacramento, CA.  They meet up in a park, where her dad used to bring her after homework and ice cream, for the most boring date ever.  She’s talking a lot about her dad; and at first it seemed sincere and now it just seems like she’s using her dad as a plot point.

On to the family visit, which includes Clare’s mom and her never-ending roster of sisters.  Clare sits down with one of her sisters and tells her that she would say yes in a heartbeat. Another sister grills Juan Pablo “I know you’re considering other women as wives.  Are you also considering Clare?” How is she so crazy with these awesome women watching over her? Well, except for Sister Laura who says the family isn’t ready to give a blessing and Clare starts freaking out.  Laura is not going to let mom be manipulate and mom, to her credit, is saying VERY little.  There are obviously issues in that family.  Run, Juan Pablo, run.

Juan Pablo tries for time with mom and Laura jumps in on the conversation, which Clare does NOT want.  As soon as Laura leaves Mom starts talking Spanish with Juan Pablo and she opens up more than we see all night.

Finally the Rose Ceremony.  Chris Harrison walks the women out one by one and they stand in a windy out door area of the hotel trying not to look at each other.  Juan Pablo shows up and gives  a rambling speech before he hands out the roses to: Nikki, Clare, and Andi. Renee is going home.  He seems genuinely sad.  She was the nicest girl of the bunch.

Tomorrow night something goes horribly wrong in the Fantasy Suite.  So we’ve got that to look forward to.


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